I'm Not Okay

Day in and out, I have to consciously remind myself to "smile for the cameras" and keep pushing forward for the sake of those around me: my kids, my husband, the family members that we live with, etc. Some days fly by so quickly that I feel like it's been a simple task, but other days each minute seems to weigh more than the one before it.

I'm sure I could easily list some current life stressors as reasons for my roller coaster of emotions. There's a definite possibility that a doctor would be able to confirm some medical reasons for me feeling the way that I do. If neither of those is enough, I'm sure there is a running tally somewhere inside of me of all of the events of my life that have molded me. In the end though, the reasons really don't make all that much of a difference when I'm brushing the tears off of my cheeks or turning my face so that my sons don't see their Mama crying.

I know that I need to do something, but as much as it hurts to feel this way, change scares me more than I care to admit. I worry that I'll make the wrong choices and won't be able to turn back. I worry that my kids will see me as a failure.

I Just Wanna Talk...

It's so disheartening when you don't feel that you can share the things that you're passionate about with those who you love. I wish I had someone that I could talk to about the joy that I get from my new business venture (besides what it's costing me and how soon I expect to be making money from it.)  Silly as it may sound, I'm pretty much down to one person who I discuss anything even related to to the topic with and that's my 2 year old (who loves it!)

Just one of those things I guess.  I'm sure that as the dream becomes a reality, I'll make connections with other people who are in the same field and interested in chatting it up.  Something to look forward to!

In My Head

Right now, I'm what my husband would call "In my head". I've got thoughts bouncing around and driving me nuts. Mostly negative stuff that I probably shouldn't be thinking, but that's just how my mind works sometimes. As much as I try to push away the negative thoughts, they seem to have a mind of their own and not only push back, but multiply! I feel insecure and unloved despite a great evening with my husband. He's sleeping now and I'm in bed next to him wishing he'd hold me and magically make me believe things are ok and that I don't have to worry.

5MinFri - Quiet

Five minute Friday is a blog carnival where a beautiful crowd spends five minutes all writing on the same topic and then sharing ‘em over at Gypsy Mama's blog.  Want to know how Five Minute Friday got started and how to participate? All the details are here.

Sometimes even 5 min worth of quiet time seems like a precious gem in my house. I have a beautiful 2 year old son who simply has more energy than I know what to do with sometimes. If you peeked into my house on any given day, you'd see for yourself that he plays "drums" on everything, he yells for seemingly no reason, he sings, and that one of his recent "favorite" toys is a keyboard that plays a few different children's songs. It drives me nuts but I love the joy he gets from it. Which is really my point in all of this. I genuinely love being this little boy's mom. I love the fact that I've traded the ability to sit and read a book for hours straight for a symphony if noise. I love the creativity that he is exhibiting by grabbing two spoons and banging on every surface in the house. He's my son and while I've always wanted to have children and all that comes with parenting, I've quickly learned from the newborn crying to the screaming toddler that "more quiet time" just isn't I'm the cards for me right now, and honestly, I'm ok with that!


-STOP-

Until next time,
Mel

Not in Labor But...

...I just want to go on the record as saying that I think this baby is coming soon. My due date is 14 days away, but I woke up feeling *something*. I have no idea how to describe it but something has changed in my body for sure from the time I got into bed last night.

Updates to come. Until next time!

-Mel

Do Your Very Best

There is always someone ready, willing and able to step up to the plate when you aren't willing to commit yourself 100%.

Until next time!

-Mel

Verse of the Week - Total Life Prosperity

I've decided to work harder on memorizing scripture. The plan? Work on at least one verse each week. I happen to be blessed with an extensive list of slightly more than 200 verses that refer to prosperity in one way or another beginning in Genesis and making its way all the way through the 3rd letter of John. To memorize the entire list doing only one at a time would mean a few weeks shy of 4 years working only on this theme. If I'm honest with myself and with you, I'll admit here and now that probably won't happen. There are so many topics I'd like to cover! That being said, this list is still the place where I feel most led to begin so, for this week at least, it's where my verse comes to me from. Want to join me on my journey? Let me know! It would be great to have a prayer pal along the way!

This week's scripture is:

3 JOHN 1:2 "Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers."

 

 

Take some time to think about what God is saying to you through this.  Happy memorization!

Until next time!
-Mel