Thursday, May 23, 2013

I'm Not Okay

Day in and out, I have to consciously remind myself to "smile for the cameras" and keep pushing forward for the sake of those around me: my kids, my husband, the family members that we live with, etc. Some days fly by so quickly that I feel like it's been a simple task, but other days each minute seems to weigh more than the one before it.

I'm sure I could easily list some current life stressors as reasons for my roller coaster of emotions. There's a definite possibility that a doctor would be able to confirm some medical reasons for me feeling the way that I do. If neither of those is enough, I'm sure there is a running tally somewhere inside of me of all of the events of my life that have molded me. In the end though, the reasons really don't make all that much of a difference when I'm brushing the tears off of my cheeks or turning my face so that my sons don't see their Mama crying.

I know that I need to do something, but as much as it hurts to feel this way, change scares me more than I care to admit. I worry that I'll make the wrong choices and won't be able to turn back. I worry that my kids will see me as a failure.

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